Stress relievers for the day

1.After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

it took me some time to understand this joke

2.A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye. It loudly announced, "$500 Porsche! New!" The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but he said to himself, 'it's worth a shot.' So he went to the lady's house who was selling the Porsche and she led him into the garage. Sure enough, there was an almost brand new Porsche. "Wow!" the man said, "Can I take it for a test drive?" "Sure," answered the lady. Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly. When he got back to the lady's house, he asked her, "Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?" Then the lady replied with a laugh, "My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me, 'You can have the house and the furniture, just sell my Porsche and send me the money.'

this is a nasty wife though. lol

3.A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. One day, the teacher brought in a great variety of Lifesavers candies, more flavors than you could ever imagine. "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these", said the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey Lifesavers in their mouths, all of the children were stumped. "I'll give you a hint", said the teacher. "It's something your Mommy probably calls your Daddy all the time". Instantly, one child spat the Lifesaver candy out of his mouth and yelled, "Spit 'em out, you guys! They're ***holes

alright this is funny but crude

reversible---signing off.